You Might Be a Narcissist if...

 

You may have noticed a change in your mental state and behavior because of the effects of the pandemic. If not, it's ok to assess whatever changes might be taking place within you. It is good and healthy to not only assess your overall sense of who you are and who you are becoming; it is also important to pay attention to how the person you are impacts the people around you. 

Are you noticing certain behaviors or reactions from others that you aren't accustomed to seeing?
Are you noticing certain behaviors or reactions in yourself that you aren't accustomed to experiencing?

A crisis can actually intensify some of the things that may have been hidden deep beneath the surface of who you are. A severe crisis can cause even the highest functioning, intelligent, and successful people to succumb to a "Lord of the Flies" kind of mentality played out in real life. If you're not familiar with the reference, think young children who are left alone on an island trying to survive on their own wits. Every child for themselves. Survival of the fittest (adolescent-style). You get the idea.

If one can't or chooses not to express their fears and insecurities in a healthy, loving, and supportive community where it is safe to be vulnerable, that's really unfortunate. On top of that, when a severe crisis (like a pandemic) practically requires a whole new level of digital engagement and social media more than ever before, the screen becomes an easier platform for all of that unhealth to be made manifest. It turns into a shield behind where one can hide, yet still somehow reveals their pain to the observant eye. The screen is just more convenient than trying to seek out help through a hard and honest phone call.

Jesus once said, "For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of." One way or another, that pain that hasn't been dealt with, is going to be revealed. 

The only problem is that the one doing the posting might not recognize it as pain. Perhaps they truly believe they doing everyone else a favor. Who is it to which I am referring? Really, this could describe many different kinds of people; but I think, especially in the past year, the most noticeable group that has risen to the surface is what we call a narcissist. 

Are you familiar with this term? This description is taking directly from Psychology Today.

1. A grandiose sense of self-importance and exaggerates achievements and talents

2. Dreams of unlimited power, success, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

3. Requires excessive admiration

4. Believes he or she is special and unique, and can only be understood by, or should associate with other special or of high-status people (or institutions)

5. Lacks empathy for the feelings and needs of others

6. Unreasonably expects special, favorable treatment or compliance with his or her wishes

7. Exploits and takes advantage of others to achieve personal ends

8. Envies others or believes they’re envious of him or her

9. Has “an attitude” of arrogance or acts that way

Do any of these stick out to you? Do any of these describe you or people you know? Evaluate yourself first before others.

Have you seen any of this play out on any digital platform? Make no mistake, this is a cry for attention even though it is hidden by the thin fake veil of confidence, success, and boldness on a screen. 

This would be a concern for just everyday life in everyday people. But, what about when this is increasingly seen in followers of Jesus?

When Christians are meant to embody this vision from the Apostle Paul... 

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."

...it sounds like the exact opposite of narcissism. 

How might we grow to embody the heart and mind of Christ in our self-promoting, self-important, narcissistic culture in which we live and breathe and move every single day? 

How do we reckon with the fact that deep down inside, each one of us desires to be known and loved and appreciated? But then, how can we know when that Godly desire begins to swing the pendulum to an unhealthy place of selfish ambition or vain conceit?

I'm actually looking for comments and feedback here. But there's a funny thing about that. Even my asking for comments might trigger something within you as you reflect on how to answer or if you should answer at all:

• "Am I a narcissist if I answer?"
• "Am I answering because I want my answer to be noticed by others or because I genuinely want to be helpful?"
• "Am I afraid to answer because I don't want to give the wrong answer and therefore be seen as someone who is incompetent?"
• "Do I feel the need to write, and re-write, and re-write again my answer so that people will see me as very intelligent?"
• "I'm just not going to answer, because this feels like a trap!"

If you find yourself a little conflicted thinking through this, that may be a good indicator that the Holy Spirit is working in concert with you as you continue to be led and refined by God. Obviously, the goal is not to overthink every single decision we make for fear that we might be narcissistic in our motivations. However, it is important for us to regularly evaluate the condition of our heart and see if it bends toward self or toward others.

At the very least, a great place to start is to pray a Davidic prayer of confession from Psalm 51:10-12 (NIV),

Create in me a pure heart, O God.

and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Do not cast me from your presence

or take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation

and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Amen.

And seriously, you can reply with a comment if you like. 

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