Growing up in Purity Culture (**Mature Content**)

 

Photo credit: Vanity Fair

Have you heard the term purity culture? This topic was recently referenced in a sermon on Galatians entitled, "Freedom to Serve."

There was/is an entire subculture within the greater American Church that has been created to encourage a pure sexual lifestyle as a Christian. That's not entirely wrong or bad. What may have been good intentions from the start, instead, turned into legalism that led to shame and unhealthy repression of one's understanding of their bodies and of sex. 

There was a recognition that we live in an overly sexualized world (which, by the way, is no different than the ancient world in which Jesus found himself). But, as a response to the over-sexualization, the pendulum swung over to legalism and laws that inevitably opened the door to thinking of the body and sex as dirty and dangerous--something that didn't actually look like the ethic of Jesus. 

A majority of the time, this message was beat into the minds of young people. They were told over and over of the negative side effects (physically and spiritually) of learning about one's body and sex.  In a sense, it seemed the goal was to make them afraid of their bodies and of sex. In some cases, people became afraid of what God might do to them if there was any kind of sexual thought, desire, or encounter.

Healthy sex within marriage was a very small afterthought. More time was spent on the dangers of our bodies, our feelings and desires, and the consequences of sex. If anything, when it came to the conversation about sex within marriage, unrealistic promises were made about what sex might be like if enjoyed within the confines of marriage. Even in some circles, it was commonly said that God would bless you with a kind of worldly blessing if you saved yourself for marriage (e.g. the most amazing sex ever in marriage, better health, better focus in school, a job promotion, a much more attractive spouse, etc.). One writer compared the purity culture to a "sexual prosperity gospel." Problems immediately arose 

• When a person realized they might be called to singleness and celibacy
• Or when someone did end up saving themselves for marriage, but then sex was actually quite challenging or not something that one or both parties enjoyed 
• Or when one or both partners had a narrative deeply entrenched within their psyche that their body and sex was dirty and dangerous outside of marriage; yet now, all of a sudden, they were expected to shift their mentality to experiencing total freedom with their bodies and with sex with zero shame. Couples shared that they felt they were doing something dirty or wrong.

Has this been your experience? Are you a product of purity culture?

To be clear, we do believe the Scriptures point to a God-honoring sexual relationship that is to be experienced within marriage. We also believe that God created us as sexual beings. But, what was done (and continues to be done) in the name of Jesus, within purity culture has become more damaging and repressive from its spirit of legalism than renewing one IN and restoring one TO Christ.

Instead of providing healthy ways to understand our bodies as sexual beings and to discuss all of the possible realities of sex and celibacy or marriage and singleness (which is very challenging to do, especially with a young person); it is much easier to communicate an "across-the-board" message that shuts down any kind of complex conversation around our bodies and sex. 

How could healing and understanding even begin to happen? How can we begin to talk to young people about their bodies and about sex that doesn't breed more shame if they experience a bodily feeling of attraction or sexual desire? Simply handing them a book or showing them a video that communicates denial and repression at all costs didn't seem to help in the last few decades. 

Check out one story of a woman's journey to restoration being drawn unto Christ. Finding community in Christ that is filled with trust, safety, and vulnerability is paramount. Trying to avoid the uncomfortable and awkward experience of talking about this will not be an effective solution. ***Note, the story is from Christianity Today that may require a subscription. If you want to read more, let us know in the comments section.

Also, a new book has come out in 2020 about this very thing. LifeChurch Canton staff have not read it or vetted it completely, so we encourage you to read with an open mind.

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